How is being unhappy my fault?
If your confidence is low, it’s likely that at least some of your life is making you unhappy.
I realize that the title of this post might attract strong reactions. After all, nobody wants to be unhappy. No one wants to be responsible for the bad things in their life right?
Unfortunately, you often can’t do anything about the situations that occur in your live. But, you can always decide what those situations mean to you.
As with everything in life, we get more of what we focus on.
Your mind is determined to make sure you’re always right. So, if you focus on a situation being upsetting, or distressing, you’re going to feel bad.
If you can find a way to discover the good, or at least acceptable reasons for a situation, you can feel good, or at least comfortable.
What do you mean?
A quick simplistic example…
If your partner leaves you, without any real reason, your confidence and self-esteem take an immediate hit. You will probably either explain it to yourself by thinking; “I must have done something really bad to make them feel this way about me now.”, or “Maybe I’m just a bad person that no one could ever love”.
The problem, is that once you think these words, your mind goes off to search it’s memory banks. Very quickly, it’ll come back to you with all the times in the past, you made a mistake. All the disagreements you’ve had. All the times you had a different opinion, etc.
Now, you not only feel bad because has your partner left you, but you’ve got a new pile of reasons to feel bad as well!
Alternatively, take a couple of seconds to think about it.
Is it possible, that maybe they were just an idiot who was never able to commit to a long term relationship? And now that he’s decided to throw away his best chance at happiness, you’re free to move on to someone who really cares about you?
Your mind will this time go off searching for all the times your ex has screwed up. Reminding you of all the times THEY disagreed with you! And all the mistakes THEY made.
Either option could be EQUALLY true. So, since you’ll never know which, surely it’s better to take the option that empowers you?
The fact that you’re feeling sorry for yourself, or running yourself down, isn’t going to make them come back. It will however, definitely influence the way you feel about your future relationships.
Final thoughts
Obviously, this effect happens no matter what the situation. So, if you are unhappy…. to some extent it really is your fault.
So, to change how you feel, ask yourself the simple question, “What else could this mean?”
Improve your questions and you’ll increase your confidence, boost your self-esteem and improve you life!
What techniques do you use when you’re feeling low, or you need a boost of confidence? Let me know in the comments.
Wow! thanks for this. It makes so much sense, but I’ve never thought about it before. I’ve got to remember to ask the question now though 🙂
I’m glad you found it useful Dave. Remembering to question your automatic response gets easier with practice. And, even if you only remember to do it now and then, you’re still making an improvement.