The Skillful Mind

Hello and welcome to episode 16 of the Everyday Confidence Podcast from theskillfulmind.com. I’m your host, Steve George and today we’re going to be talking about how you can use regret to boost your confidence.

Hello, welcome back. And as I just said in the intro, I’m going to touch on a slightly different subject today. And that subject is Regret.

Now, you might well be thinking, “What has regret got to do with becoming confident?” And the answer, on the surface is absolutely nothing. But, we can use regret, or at least the feelings associated with regret, to help us do some of the things that move us from our comfort zones.

So, how exactly does that work?

Well, everyone, at the end of their life, goes through a period where they look back over what they’ve achieved. And I don’t know anyone, who hasn’t had at least some regrets. But, here’s the thing, they’re always about things they DIDN’T do!

No one ever says “I wish I’d spent more time watching TV”. Or “I wish I hadn’t tried as many new things during my life”. Or “If only I’d spent more time worrying about what other people thought of me”. Yet, that’s exactly what we’re doing pretty much every day of our lives.

As I said in the very first episode of this podcast, the best way to reach your dreams and goals is to have a powerful why. And if you haven’t listened to that episode yet, it’s definitely worth doing that.

But, as well as finding your why, there’s also some great tricks we can use to help us as well. And using the feelings of regret is one of those tricks. Now, you might remember, I’ve said it a few times in the past, that your mind can’t tell the difference between experiences that have actually happened and the experiences that we’ve just vividly imagined? So, that’s what we’re going to be using today.

Okay, to start with, take a few minutes now, and think about something you’ve always dreamed of doing, but you’ve never quite had the confidence to attempt. It might be something simple like you want to take a class at college. It could be something more creative like, teaching a group of people to play the guitar. Or, maybe it’s something more extreme like you want to give skydiving a go? It doesn’t really matter what it is.

Now for me, I’d always wanted to write a book. And at the time, I wouldn’t even answer the telephone in case the person on the other end was gonna make me feel stupid! So the chances of me telling the whole world what I thought was impossible.

Still, back in 1990 I decided to write it, even if I never showed it to anyone. So, that’s what I did.

It didn’t take long to write, but it probably took four, or five times as long to edit. That was something else I suffered from back then, trying to make sure everything was perfect. Anyway, once it was finished, I put in the cupboard and that’s where it stayed for six years!

Then in 1996, I found it again and decided that I’d show it to a few friends. So, I printed a few copies out, stapled the pages together and let them each take a copy away to read. And they all said how much they loved it. But, they were my friends, so back in the cupboard it went.

Then, finally, 16 years later, I decided to sell it on Amazon as a Kindle book. It’s actually available to download free in theskillfulmind bookstore. If you want to read it, it’s called ‘Improve your life with self-hypnosis’. But don’t be too judgmental, it was written over 30 years ago after all!

Anyway, since then, I written three paperback books and four more Kindle books.

So, this is how it’s going to work for you. When you get a few minutes where you’re not going to be distracted. And once you’ve decided what your dream, or goal is, I want you to sit down in a comfortable chair, lean back and close your eyes.

So, when you’re ready, close your eyes. Imagine that you’re eighty years old. Your sitting outside, with the warm sunshine on your face and a cooling summer breeze blowing softly across your body, and you’re looking back at all your past achievements.

You go back, and remember the one thing that started it all. That one goal that put the wheels in motion. The day you decided to finally go for it! The time you decided to take a stand against compromise and comfort, and do something worthwhile with your life instead.

The day you made the decision that enough was enough and you were going to break free and do that one thing you were always scared to do.

Imagine how your life’ll look because you took the plunge. Think of all the great things that have happened in your life, because you decided to experience this one opportunity. Imagine the things you’d been able to do, because you’d overcome this fear and just did it.

Okay, now once you’ve enjoyed those feelings for a while, imagine now you’re looking back at your life if you hadn’t done it. And your life continued on the same path is it now.

At 80 years old, would you have any regrets? Are there things that you’d have loved to do, but just never had the confidence? And who knows, maybe just by taking steps to do this one thing, you’d have found the confidence to do anything?

So, there you have it. That technique’s known as the ‘Rocking Chair’ test, It’s a technique designed by Tony Robbins and it’s incredibly powerful.

It works, because when we’re deciding whether to try something new, or not, we’re caught up in our current belief system. We’re using our fears about failure and embarrassment to help make the decision for us. And that makes us less likely to take action on things that are outside our comfort zone.

But, everything either has to grow, or it dies. The need for growth is one of the 6 human needs, and the only way to grow, is to experience new things.

And sometimes, these new things can be taking up a new hobby, or taking a class in a subject you’re interested in, but whatever it is, growth is experienced much more profoundly by reaching outside of your comfort zone to get it.

So, that’s your action task for today. Next time you’re deciding whether to take the plunge on a new experience. Give this particular technique a go. I think you’ll be surprised. And remember to actually experience it. Spend some time visualizing the sights, the sounds and the feelings you’d be experiencing knowing that you’ve achieved it.

Do this a few times over the next few days and let me know how you get on.

The show notes, as usual, will be over on the Podcast page, which is theskillfulmind.com/podcast/16.

Again, thanks very much for listening and until next time, bye for now.